And the journey continues!

My last post was one year, two months ago! YIKES!
I'll tell you why!
Life was slow.
Then it FLEW.
Then it got slow again.
Here's a little photo essay:

Packed up and left Vancouver in June

Drove across Canada to Ontario 

Got married!

Drove to Newfoundland for our honeymoon

Set up home in Kitchener, ON 

My mind feels alive when it is actively writing. I need to write, I want to write, even if for the sole purpose to figure this life out. And perhaps I may inspire even the tiniest bit along the way. 

I'm back!

A January of Crazy!

Alright friends.
So January keeps getting crazier. Let me tell you why.

January 5th - I was biking home from work and got hit by a car. Yep. Crazy. Pick-up truck ran a stop sign and hit my front wheel. I had lights on my bike and a helmet on. I'm ok, my bike was a write-off, and ICBC gave me a cheque to compensate. Had some wicked bruising and a sore back for a few days, but I'm hoping to be fine, forever.

January 24th - I dropped my phone in a puddle. Thought it might be toast. Left it in rice overnight, which dried it right out. Thank you rice.

January 25th - I was running late in the morning, and as I juggled my coffee, keys, phone and bus pass, I ran out the door and tripped on a step. I went flying and REALLY dug my palms into the pavement, taking a chunk out of my left hand, the size of a nickle. Had to run to the bus and ride to work with a bloody hand, which I covered under my glove - which KILLED! I got nauseous and almost fainted when I had to clean the grit out of it later that day.

January 26th - A man came into my work this morning, asking for my bosses. They weren't there, but he insisted he call my boss. He fed me (and my boss, on the phone) a story about needing to borrow money to pay a taxi to get him to his recently towed car. He told me he worked in the neighborhood and totally spoke as if he knew my bosses. Anyway, after promising he'd be back in an hour, and leaving his name, wife's name, phone number and work, I "lent" him some money. I tried calling the number shortly after... it doesn't exist. I got SCAMMED. I was oh sooooo MAD! - mostly at my own naivety. He was so convincing.

All that said. I'm ok with January ending next week. Although interesting, I'm done with the injuries and things breaking/getting stolen!

Today's top 20

I've been thinking about Vancouver and urban North American Culture, through, a slightly cynical yet fairly realistic lens, I'd like to think. I spent 3 hours last weekend rollerblading around Stanley Park and English Bay, where eye candy was high rise condos and manicured parks, and demonstrated lifestyles were dominantly "down town", urban folk.
Today, I was browsing though a book called CRAVE Vancouver - the ultimate guide to the places women crave in Vancouver.

I made a list of the top valued things in urban spaces.
Here is my list:

1. Safety - cars, insurance, babysitting
2. Health Care (a reflection of the above)
3. Shiny things - hair, diamonds, lip gloss
4. Ownership - houses, property, memberships
5. Being modern - home decor, fashion
6. Being vintage - bicycles, thrift store, fabric patterns
7. Photos - memories or vanity?
8. Production - make the most possible in the least amount of time
9. Green things - toilet paper, vehicle fuel, grocery bags
10. Organic - shampoo, dog food, vegetables
11. Using less, recycling
12. University education
13. High quality sporting equipment/gear
14. Community - enriching your community, yet there are 20 lawn mowers owned on your block?
15. Good tasting food - without much clue where it comes from
16. Being independently established, perhaps you have an involved spouse
17. Investing in your children; lots of extracurriculars.
18. Sex - good sex, safe sex, sex to sell products
19. Saving money, so we can buy more stuff!
20. "Treating yourself" - massages, chocolate, wine... because YOU deserve it
    

What is Christmas?

Evergreen trees.
Santa Clause.

The Grinch.

The manger.

Christmas carols about snow.

Christmas carols about a baby and a virgin mom.

Christmas carols about love and broken hearts.

Advent.

Mistletoe.

Family.

Baby Jesus was born.

Presents.

Generosity. 

Helping the poor.

The time of the year when homeless people can eat a hot meal every day (as opposed to February). 

Angels.

Selfishness.

Celebrating family.

Celebrating Jesus.

Celebrating greed.

Marketing at its best.

Thankfulness.

Expensive flights.

Chocolate.

Starbucks peppermint lattes.

Coca-Cola.

Hope. 

Joy. 

Peace. 

Love.

The food bank.

The Christmas story.

Christmas dinners (...justified gluttony?) 

Christmas baking.

Christmas lights.

Christmas trees.

Christmas decorating.

Christmas sales.

Christmas Eve mass/church.

Christmas movies.

Christmas holidays.

Christ...?

What is tradition?

What is truth?

Which is priority?

...We're so confused.

Take me to that place

There was a time in my life
when life fit into a back pack
every day there was something to journal about
passion ignited
curiosity unquenchable
invincibility, assumed.

When rent and 9-5 didn't exist
I didn't have a conscience of responsibility,
rather a drive for adventure.

Is it selfishness to explore the world
where there are people to invest in here?

It it foolish to let go of so called societal expectations to feel full of life, to take in the character of God through His creation?
I hope not.

I want to live the life on the shoestring again.
When you fill your belly with local plates of goodness, crafted from the garden, made with love.
Where the land and sky look different, where eyes can see for miles, and where you can't see past the next peak.
Where the sun is the same but everything under it is new.

Where smiles are the same but the language that leaves them is foreign.
Where hours on a bus are justified by what awaits when you get off.

Clothes get washed in the shower,
Food gets eaten when hungry,
When songs of life play in your head and you have a whole new appreciation of where you came from, and a broadened imagination of where you will go.
When a conversation on with a stranger probes you to think of your past.

Where forgiving is easy and resentments fall away.

When it's easier to understand home because you can think of it outside of the box.
Where culture varies and beauty encompasses.
Where watermelon is sold on the side of the road and bodies are dressed differently.

When a smile says enough.

Where there are mountains to climb
waves to surf
rivers to boat
trails to be hiked
rocks to climb
waters to explore

When your wallet is full of foreign currency
and your passport is permanently in your waist
When Lonely Planet, your Bible and journal are the only paper sources carried, and are all worn out to the same level.
When you have bug bites from sleeping at the beach and scraped knees from slipping on the mountain trail.
When you have no idea what the next day will hold, but your certain that you will have a banana for breakfast and a beer with dinner.

Seeing life done differently is fuel to keep moving forward.
Standing at the bottom of the mountain makes you feel small to the world; standing at the top makes you feel like you can conquer it.

Take me to that place
where I feel alive, breathing in life
gulping in the adrenaline of travel
as the world
becomes
within reach again.

Various Life Thoughts

1. Pride in busyness?


Hello, my name is Sarah Hill, and I have to fight busyness to stay sane. Sometimes then, when I have a spare afternoon, I feel weird because I feel like I should be 'doing' something. I have an obsession with 'doing'.

a week of my life in Feb. 2010

How often when someone asks how you're doing, is your response "Busy, but good." Our culture has an addiction to always be doing, doing, doing. We are taught to define ourselves by doing. The more we do, the more we're busy with, the more worthwhile our time is, the better person we are. Even within gospel ministry, the more we're 'doing' for the Kingdom of God makes our lives more worthwhile. Does the more we 'do', make our salvation more significant than our brother's? We take pride in our full schedules.

Often when asked how we're doing, we rattle off a list of things that we've done. Was the question "what are you doing?" or "how are you doing?" Could we dare to open up our hearts to say how our hearts are doing? Oooh, vulnerability. That would be scary.

You and me alike, we need to fight to find a balance between apathy/laziness and taking pride and identity in being busy.
Work hard, yes. By God's strength and for His glory, not our own.
Be still as well, and know that He is God - not our agendas, our icalenders. To pause amidst responsibilities and acknowledge the core purpose of this life - to live by God's grace and worship him.
What's your focus - the lighthouse in the distance, or the current that you're caught in right now?
We need to focus our hearts.
On the King.

2. Eminen & Rihanna: I Love the Way You Lie
I heard this super catchy song on the radio about a month ago. Looked up the lyrics and watched the video and was bug eyed for all 4 minutes and 27 second of it. It's story of a couple who love each other, then hate each other, love each other, then hate each other. It basically jumps back and forth from sex to physical fighting. Over. And over. And over.

You swore you'd never hit em, never do nothin' to hurt em
Now you're in each other's face spewin' venom in your words 
when you spit em
You push pull each other's hair
Scratch claw hit em throw em down pin em
So lost in the moments when you're in em
It's the rage that's the culprit, controls you both
Next time there won't be no next time
I apologize even though I know it's lies
I'm tired of the games I just want her back
I know I'm a liar, if she ever tries to leave again
I'ma tie her to the bed and set this house on fire



I guess I haven't had MTV on for years, but I truly couldn't believe the shots in that video that are legal to create - extreme anger, spitting in faces, punching through drywall inches from a face, burning bodies, physical abuse + nudity and basically sex. The simultaneous music and lyrics add extra mood to the song.
There's no denial that brokenness  exists in the world. But should we be glorifying it, which incidentally, affirms it for who knows how many people?
I tried to find some redemptive components... but every time something positive came up, it was matched with a downhill spiral of violence.
Too bad it was such a catchy tune.
I still think Eminem is incredibly talented at rapping.

3. East Vancouver vs. The North Shore
Strathcona, in East Vancouver is where it is most common for something to be uneducated and unemployed. It have the smallest percentage of students graduate from high school.

North and West Vancouver on the The North Shore have the highest employment rates and the highest percentage of high school graduates. 

East Vancouver has the lowest paying jobs and the cheapest housing in the city (with the average house a 'measly' half a million, at least), including the majority of public housing and immigrated families.

The North Shore's residents hold the highest paying jobs and have the most expensive housing (with the average house upwards towards 1- 1.5 million.


Family variations are all over the map; there are Strathcona mothers who push and challenge their kids in school, helping them as much as possible with school work and help define their character in impactful ways. There are West Vancouver mothers who see their children 3 hours a day, long enough to bring home take out and drive them around to piano lessons, soccer practice and after school tutoring. These moms hardly have a voice in their children's lives. Brokenness lies in every demographic.

MacDonald Elementary, at East Hastings and Victoria, is closing because they are only at 1/3 capacity. I recently spoke to an affluent mother who lives on the West Side; she said she would never  enroll her child at a school like MacDonald because of the influence of broken families that is present in MacDonald's students' lives. With a reputation like that, no wonder MacD is only at 30% capacity.

I don't have a grand finale point. Just wanted to write out some thoughts.

An evening of rolling down, then up

6:30pm tonight:

"Life has shifted. It's weird and hard to talk about because it's so weird. 

I think I'm overwhelmed by this new pace of life: it's slower, simpler, holds 'less'... but what does that even mean?

This year, I've gone from the sporadic, unpredictable schedule of youth work in East Van, to an extended transition of quick geographic turnovers and many traveled miles, to the summer camp life of constant movement, on-the-go, thinking ahead, taking initiative, making things happen... to 'recovering'... winding down... resting... and now.

For the first time in, perhaps ever? I now have what our culture says is 'normal life'. 

I'm not a student.

I'm not doing a temporary job.

I have a job that's regular business hours, in an office environment, within the education system of our culture.

I have a boyfriend, and we're dreaming about life together, which is AWESOME.

I live in a city, with regulated transit, structure, constant media, expectations, news, gossip and culture.

Why does this all of a sudden feel foreign?

wounded passion

stunted thoughts

do these come from

giving up on passion

not feeding or expressing my thoughts?

...because of a tainted understanding that i must always publish and share my thoughts with others in order for them to be legitimate?

well, that's a lie from this communication addicted culture.

i want to disappear from it.

what inspires me?"

________________________________

8pm tonight:

MIND MAP:

My dream as of right now:

I would wake up early and make my bed, placing colourful throw pillows on the top. Breakfast is eggs, toast, yogurt and fruit in the bright kitchen with big windows. Well balanced photographs line the walls. Once finished, I would head out side to the ocean. After writing while sitting on some big rocks overlooking the water, would tie up my hikers and climb around the rocky shoreline, pausing to watch the biggest waves crash onto the rock. I'd embrace the urge to worship God into the wind and write out heart prayers in the sand. Then I'd hit the waves for an hour of rigorous paddling in hopes of catching a good wave or two to surf. 

Halfway through the day, I take some time to pull the ladder out and spend the rest of the morning painting the exterior of my house, while listening to my playlist of songs that perfectly described my life at one point. 

I would ride the bus into town and spend some time browsing the used book store and pick up some flowers for a friend. I'd grab a good cup of coffee and walk around the village, observing old houses and architecture. I'd smile every time I'd see an old couple, obviously still in love with each other or families interacting with each other.

Dinner would be with my love, Andrew (who although wasn't in the mind map, is an assumed appreciation and inspiration in my life). We'd be dressed up and eat dinner outside on a blanket, with candles and piano music playing in the background! I'd have tried a new recipe  and we'd have an honest conversation about hearts, life, hockey, Costa Rica, dreams, risks, food, love, our days, travel and adventures. 

There would be no city lights, and the stars would be extra vibrant.

I need to start writing more.

And I need to embrace my introverted self instead of forcing "Social Sarah" all the time!

That is it.

:)


Happy people below.

This Next Season

In three days, my room mate and I move into our looong awaited new apartment.
In seven days I start a new job.

Our apartment is on a quiet side street, across the street from a school and a park.
My new job is as an admin assistant, I'll be sitting at a desk, working Monday - Friday, 9 to 5.

I've been on the run for six months now: Ontario, California, camp, Ontario, couch surfing everywhere and anywhere in between...
I've grown accustomed to living out of duffle bags and rubber maids.
I regularly keep a stash of canned tuna, bread, granola bars and apples in my car.

Sarah Hill, once willing and proud to be on the run, flexible, sporadic, impulsive, living life on the run... is looking forward to a season of stability which is just around the bend.
I'm looking forward to baking and taking walks. To sleeping in on Saturdays and being able to go to church every Sunday. To know my work schedule weeks, even months (!) in advance!
To have a job that doesn't involve my heart in an intense way for a season.
To rest.
To breathe.
To enjoy people and relationships.
To be part of a community of people who love God.
To slow down.
To process what has happened, what is happening and to prepare for what is ahead.

Thank you Lord for this season ahead!
I trust your leading and am anticipating great things!

The Sex Industry: The Real Problem

As I was in the airport today, I wandered into the shop that is completely devoted to tabloids, magazines and newspapers. 

If "what is going on in this world?" is the question, this store must have all the answers.

I couldn't help but be drawn to the head line "Sex Isn't Selling", and my immediate thought was "Are you crazy? Where are you living, sex sells everything in this culture."

It was a business magazine.

It was reporting on the sex industry in America. The first paragraph documented a mother asking her son if he pays for pornography - not the issue of if he looks at it, but if he pays for it.

Anybody today can take part of the sex industry today and not have to pay for it.

This is a problem in the business world. Because of the easy access to free pornography online, producers are losing money on their sex business.  As a result, there are lay offs. Producers, actors/actresses and make up artists are losing money. The recommendation is for people to "get out of the business as soon as you can". 

Another point was brought up. Since sex is so readily available everywhere from food commercials to bus stop signs to television and window displays, it's loosing its' shock factor. Its' racy-ness. Its' curiosity factor. What would have been shocking to see in the 90s is a regular occurrence today, therefore people aren't as drawn to the product being advertised. 

This is another problem in the business world. Out culture is numb to sex. How in the world are they going to sell products now?

Does anyone else see the REAL problem here?

Our culture has completely voided the sex industry itself as a problem... and now the problem is that the sex industry itself isn't bringing in enough money.

The sex industry kills men from the inside out.

The sex industry manipulates women to think they need to be something in order to receive love.

The sex industry nullifies God's beautiful gift to us of sexuality.

That's the real problem folks.

Please get real about life, Canadian Business magazine. Money isn't the ultimate. 

We need to recognize peoples' hearts. 

Five Months in Review!

HELLO!
It's been five months, and I've been MIA to much of the world. On one hand I rejoice, it's been lovely, but on the other hand I am sorry for being away! And on my imaginative third hand, I have MISSED blogging! Oh my! There is something about 'publishing' thoughts - it affirms something in my heart. So, along with a newly styled blog, I'm back. Feel free to be here with me!
It's been a summer!

I went to California - San Fran, LA, Laguna, Newport, San Clemente and everything on the I-5 inbetween, with two now dear friends Anna and Nancy! The weather was a bummer because of the Iceland Volcano believe it or not, which made for crummy camping and crummy surfing. But, alas, God is faithful to teach in all situations and it was a joy to experience His creation down the coast. Unfortunately this also meant experiencing the obnoxiously ridiculous amounts of urban development in Southern California which I am just fine with never visiting again. It's not all that Hollister tees make it out to be, folks. San Fransisco was awesome - I will be back there one day to wander the coffee shops and drive up and down those crazy hilled streets lined with magnificent Victorian architectured homes! It's a very romantic city, lots of character! Next time I'll be sure to creep on the Full House home...

Moving.

After a fancy night of fine food
and dancing!

Back to Vancouver for a week included packing up my apartment and moving everything to storage units, friend's houses and Andrew's closet. It was a whirlwind and it felt great to downsize the "stuff" I'd accumulated in 16 months of living in Vancouver. It was my goal to not have to pay for storage over the summer, and my stuff was distributed between 3 friends' homes! Lots of time was spent with Andrew as I was about to move to Vancouver Island for 4 months...



Camp Qwanoes, Vancouver Island.
What a life chapter. 
I remembered loving rural community. Non-city landscape. Trees, stars, ocean, mountains. Simple life. Little farms and plenty of wild flowers, vegetable farms and berry picking. Slow movement. Rivers and lakes. Wild life.

Nicki, myself and Amanda

Camp is always fun - living in community with dozens of other young adults who love Jesus and are seeking him and how to follow him better. It was an adjustment, being in my mid-twenties and feeling very independent in a very shared living space and routine.
I was at camp for two months before campers arrived, being a part of the developing team, getting the camp ready and hosting guest groups and retreats.  My role this summer was Assistant Head Counsellor, which was essentially leading and supporting the 80+ female counselors with my two dear sistas Amanda and Nicki. They are phenomenal women to work and do life with, what a joy! Also: Alicia Marshall - a joy, a sister-friend, a support, a giggle and heart mesher, thank you for being my friennndddd!
It was new for me to step back from the front lines of working with youth and to lead and support staff. But WOW what a sweet time it was - the women that God had at Camp Qwanoes this summer are top choice, strong, compassionate, gentle women who passionately love God and are following His call for their lives! 

Laura Hill, folks!

My sister Laura was one of these fantastic ladies! I just gotta do a shout out to her 'cause she's awesome. It was so sweet to have family around this summer. I've been out and about adventuring for years and while God has given me rad friends who are like family to walk along the way with me, nothing beats good ol' Hill spunk - I love Laura Meredith Hill. I'm so proud of the woman she is becoming and her zest for life! She was a crazy awesome counselor and is straight up G. I love her!
Seester, you rock my world, thanks for being in BC this summer!


What a summer of restoration.
I was so scared to enter back into ministry this summer after last year's terrible burnout. 
I learned how God delivers us from our fears. 
I really learned to trust Him and soar under the shadow of His wings. He raised me up and restored me. 
I am now staring at forgiving some things from last year, and what that means. 
I learned how His truths identify and blast out lies that Satan tries to deceive us with. 
I've learned about being truthful, even in the little things, the sarcastic, seemingly innocent things. 
How living under God's authority brings freedom. 
This summer was such a growing season for me and I'm only beginning to look back and reflect on what God's done! 
 "I have called you back from the ends of the earth,
      saying, ‘You are my servant.’
   For I have chosen you
      and will not throw you away.
 Don’t be afraid, for I am with you.
      Don’t be discouraged, for I am your God.
   I will strengthen you and help you.
      I will hold you up with my victorious right hand."
                                   -Isaiah 41:9-10


Andrew + Sarah = LOVE!

Andrew popped outta the bushes
and surprised me on my
birthday! 

Five months of not living in the same city... done and done!
What a summer of strengthening and growth. And wretched apartness. 
About 5000 texts, hours of phone calls and ferry commuting, dozens of letters written and received and $452.00 in phone bills later... and we love each other more than ever, haha!
Andrew was my biggest support this summer, faithful and strong, honest and real. His commitment and support to me is a true gift from God and I am so grateful for the man that he is. We're excited to see what this next season will hold! 
(He's glad I'm back!!)


All that to say... this is life! 
To all those who held me in their thoughts and prayers this summer - THANK YOU! I was seriously carried by God's grace these past five months and I am so thankful for you.
I'm back in Vancouver now, heading to Ontario for the last week of the month, then back to a new job and new apartment and stepping forward, eyes on God.


Peace yo.