Old Faithful

Old Faithful is a cone geyser located in Yellowstone National Park, Wyoming. It merits its' name because of it's predicable eruptions. Old Faithful will erupt 65 minutes after an eruption lasting 2.5 minutes, or 91 minutes after an explosion lasting more than 2.5 minutes.

Two choices: live in Vancouver where home and our short history was, or live in Southern Ontario where our family was. This was the decision Andrew and I faced a year and a half ago when we were thinking about where to live after we got married.

After lots of prayer and contemplation, we felt that God was leading us towards Ontario for three specific reasons:
1) Spend intentional time with our immediate families, since we doubt we'll be in Ontario long-term
2) Be intentional about getting to know each other as husband and wife and building a strong marriage foundation for decades to come
3) Be local to 'do life' with many life-long friends, instead of always playing 'catch-up'

Well it's been 7 months. So far we've been blessed to have spent loads of time with family! Andrew played on a hockey team all winter with his brothers, we've been to Ottawa twice to visit my sisters, lots of Hill family dinners and trips up to Listowel to visit the Hartungs. Andrew's youngest sister has spent a couple weekends with us in Kitchener and recently joined us for our roadtrip to Florida. It's been awesome!

We're so thoroughly enjoying being married to each other, building healthy communication habits, joyously (most of the time!) sharing life together, learning to make decisions together and getting to know each other better and better. We've read some solid marriage books, and are working through Mark Driscoll's recent Real Marriage sermons. We're learning how to work through conflict and being challenged daily with humility and lessons in selflessness.

So many fun times with friends! Games nights, birthdays, coffee dates, hockey... and a summer of 7 weddings coming up... we're loving time spent with old friends!

Yet, there are some big things that I love about life that are missing.
Urban culture.
Beautiful environment.
Being part of a Jesus-loving church.
Local outdoor rec - hiking, kayaking, biking.
Working with youth, especially urban Aboriginal youth.
The ocean. Mountains.

It dawned on me this week.
God didn't lead us to Kitchener to be active, to love the city, to be passionate about our jobs and community involvement. He didn't call us to a specific church. He didn't call us here to work at jobs that we love.
He called us here for our family, old friends, and to build our marriage. And that's exactly what is thriving right now.

So he IS faithful! I have been thinking for months that Kitchener just sucks, or we have the wrong attitude about being here or we're doing something wrong.

But no, God is providing exactly what he purposed us here for. And we are being challenged daily to not complain about what's missing, but living fully in what his purposes are. (And hoping like crazy that there are mountain-bound adventures in our future!!!!)

He's never going to lead us somewhere and not have a purpose in it. He is faithful to fulfill his purposes. And I need to keep my eyes and heart on HIM and not me.

The Sweet Spot

While visiting a local church this morning, we were surprised to be there for the lead pastor of 9 years announcing his resignation to the congregation. No scandalous secret sin, no conflict, he had simply become tired of filling a role that didn't allow him to use his God-given gifts. Instead of never ending meetings, budgets and other executive responsibilities, he takes joy in teaching, preaching and loving people - pastoring the church. He is hoping to remain on staff at the church, but in a role more suiting for his gifts.

Beautiful. He had my respect.

He said, "I want to serve through my sweet spot instead of persevering through every day."

Our goal with moving to Ontario for a year after getting married was to spend intentional time with family and Ontario friends because we sense we may not end up living here long term. And that part has been awesome! Neither Andrew or I have lived in Ontario for longer than 4 months since 2007. I'm loving getting to know his family more and he's enjoying spending time with mine. It's great spending time with friends that we haven't seen regularly for years. And we have seven weddings of friends/family this summer - and we can actually GO to them without having to buy airfare!

God's given us some pretty interesting jobs for the year. Andrew is a youth care worker at Hope Manor, a youth jail. I'm a child and youth worker / educational assistant with the Waterloo School Board, right now working in a classroom of 6 students with learning profiles such as autism, intellectual delays and other learning disabilities. Both jobs that are definitely interesting and require us to use our brains and hearts. We can do them and find success but... not our niche.

I yearn to build relationship.
To share life.
To share wisdom and teach.
To mentor and disciple.
To be able to openly share faith without political barriers.

My heart aches for the west coast.
For beautiful East Vancouver.
For glorious mountains.
For culture beyond industry and farming.
To work out of my sweet spot, and not just persevering through every day.

Passion + Gifts + Need = Sweet Spot.
Passion: mentoring through relationship, pointing to Jesus
Gifts: compassion, encouragement, [some] wisdom, teaching
Need: ____________ (where, God?)

So, where's the sweet spot? Not sure at yet. But oh, it will be good when we get there.

And the journey continues!

My last post was one year, two months ago! YIKES!
I'll tell you why!
Life was slow.
Then it FLEW.
Then it got slow again.
Here's a little photo essay:

Packed up and left Vancouver in June

Drove across Canada to Ontario 

Got married!

Drove to Newfoundland for our honeymoon

Set up home in Kitchener, ON 

My mind feels alive when it is actively writing. I need to write, I want to write, even if for the sole purpose to figure this life out. And perhaps I may inspire even the tiniest bit along the way. 

I'm back!

A January of Crazy!

Alright friends.
So January keeps getting crazier. Let me tell you why.

January 5th - I was biking home from work and got hit by a car. Yep. Crazy. Pick-up truck ran a stop sign and hit my front wheel. I had lights on my bike and a helmet on. I'm ok, my bike was a write-off, and ICBC gave me a cheque to compensate. Had some wicked bruising and a sore back for a few days, but I'm hoping to be fine, forever.

January 24th - I dropped my phone in a puddle. Thought it might be toast. Left it in rice overnight, which dried it right out. Thank you rice.

January 25th - I was running late in the morning, and as I juggled my coffee, keys, phone and bus pass, I ran out the door and tripped on a step. I went flying and REALLY dug my palms into the pavement, taking a chunk out of my left hand, the size of a nickle. Had to run to the bus and ride to work with a bloody hand, which I covered under my glove - which KILLED! I got nauseous and almost fainted when I had to clean the grit out of it later that day.

January 26th - A man came into my work this morning, asking for my bosses. They weren't there, but he insisted he call my boss. He fed me (and my boss, on the phone) a story about needing to borrow money to pay a taxi to get him to his recently towed car. He told me he worked in the neighborhood and totally spoke as if he knew my bosses. Anyway, after promising he'd be back in an hour, and leaving his name, wife's name, phone number and work, I "lent" him some money. I tried calling the number shortly after... it doesn't exist. I got SCAMMED. I was oh sooooo MAD! - mostly at my own naivety. He was so convincing.

All that said. I'm ok with January ending next week. Although interesting, I'm done with the injuries and things breaking/getting stolen!

Today's top 20

I've been thinking about Vancouver and urban North American Culture, through, a slightly cynical yet fairly realistic lens, I'd like to think. I spent 3 hours last weekend rollerblading around Stanley Park and English Bay, where eye candy was high rise condos and manicured parks, and demonstrated lifestyles were dominantly "down town", urban folk.
Today, I was browsing though a book called CRAVE Vancouver - the ultimate guide to the places women crave in Vancouver.

I made a list of the top valued things in urban spaces.
Here is my list:

1. Safety - cars, insurance, babysitting
2. Health Care (a reflection of the above)
3. Shiny things - hair, diamonds, lip gloss
4. Ownership - houses, property, memberships
5. Being modern - home decor, fashion
6. Being vintage - bicycles, thrift store, fabric patterns
7. Photos - memories or vanity?
8. Production - make the most possible in the least amount of time
9. Green things - toilet paper, vehicle fuel, grocery bags
10. Organic - shampoo, dog food, vegetables
11. Using less, recycling
12. University education
13. High quality sporting equipment/gear
14. Community - enriching your community, yet there are 20 lawn mowers owned on your block?
15. Good tasting food - without much clue where it comes from
16. Being independently established, perhaps you have an involved spouse
17. Investing in your children; lots of extracurriculars.
18. Sex - good sex, safe sex, sex to sell products
19. Saving money, so we can buy more stuff!
20. "Treating yourself" - massages, chocolate, wine... because YOU deserve it
    

What is Christmas?

Evergreen trees.
Santa Clause.

The Grinch.

The manger.

Christmas carols about snow.

Christmas carols about a baby and a virgin mom.

Christmas carols about love and broken hearts.

Advent.

Mistletoe.

Family.

Baby Jesus was born.

Presents.

Generosity. 

Helping the poor.

The time of the year when homeless people can eat a hot meal every day (as opposed to February). 

Angels.

Selfishness.

Celebrating family.

Celebrating Jesus.

Celebrating greed.

Marketing at its best.

Thankfulness.

Expensive flights.

Chocolate.

Starbucks peppermint lattes.

Coca-Cola.

Hope. 

Joy. 

Peace. 

Love.

The food bank.

The Christmas story.

Christmas dinners (...justified gluttony?) 

Christmas baking.

Christmas lights.

Christmas trees.

Christmas decorating.

Christmas sales.

Christmas Eve mass/church.

Christmas movies.

Christmas holidays.

Christ...?

What is tradition?

What is truth?

Which is priority?

...We're so confused.

Take me to that place

There was a time in my life
when life fit into a back pack
every day there was something to journal about
passion ignited
curiosity unquenchable
invincibility, assumed.

When rent and 9-5 didn't exist
I didn't have a conscience of responsibility,
rather a drive for adventure.

Is it selfishness to explore the world
where there are people to invest in here?

It it foolish to let go of so called societal expectations to feel full of life, to take in the character of God through His creation?
I hope not.

I want to live the life on the shoestring again.
When you fill your belly with local plates of goodness, crafted from the garden, made with love.
Where the land and sky look different, where eyes can see for miles, and where you can't see past the next peak.
Where the sun is the same but everything under it is new.

Where smiles are the same but the language that leaves them is foreign.
Where hours on a bus are justified by what awaits when you get off.

Clothes get washed in the shower,
Food gets eaten when hungry,
When songs of life play in your head and you have a whole new appreciation of where you came from, and a broadened imagination of where you will go.
When a conversation on with a stranger probes you to think of your past.

Where forgiving is easy and resentments fall away.

When it's easier to understand home because you can think of it outside of the box.
Where culture varies and beauty encompasses.
Where watermelon is sold on the side of the road and bodies are dressed differently.

When a smile says enough.

Where there are mountains to climb
waves to surf
rivers to boat
trails to be hiked
rocks to climb
waters to explore

When your wallet is full of foreign currency
and your passport is permanently in your waist
When Lonely Planet, your Bible and journal are the only paper sources carried, and are all worn out to the same level.
When you have bug bites from sleeping at the beach and scraped knees from slipping on the mountain trail.
When you have no idea what the next day will hold, but your certain that you will have a banana for breakfast and a beer with dinner.

Seeing life done differently is fuel to keep moving forward.
Standing at the bottom of the mountain makes you feel small to the world; standing at the top makes you feel like you can conquer it.

Take me to that place
where I feel alive, breathing in life
gulping in the adrenaline of travel
as the world
becomes
within reach again.

Various Life Thoughts

1. Pride in busyness?


Hello, my name is Sarah Hill, and I have to fight busyness to stay sane. Sometimes then, when I have a spare afternoon, I feel weird because I feel like I should be 'doing' something. I have an obsession with 'doing'.

a week of my life in Feb. 2010

How often when someone asks how you're doing, is your response "Busy, but good." Our culture has an addiction to always be doing, doing, doing. We are taught to define ourselves by doing. The more we do, the more we're busy with, the more worthwhile our time is, the better person we are. Even within gospel ministry, the more we're 'doing' for the Kingdom of God makes our lives more worthwhile. Does the more we 'do', make our salvation more significant than our brother's? We take pride in our full schedules.

Often when asked how we're doing, we rattle off a list of things that we've done. Was the question "what are you doing?" or "how are you doing?" Could we dare to open up our hearts to say how our hearts are doing? Oooh, vulnerability. That would be scary.

You and me alike, we need to fight to find a balance between apathy/laziness and taking pride and identity in being busy.
Work hard, yes. By God's strength and for His glory, not our own.
Be still as well, and know that He is God - not our agendas, our icalenders. To pause amidst responsibilities and acknowledge the core purpose of this life - to live by God's grace and worship him.
What's your focus - the lighthouse in the distance, or the current that you're caught in right now?
We need to focus our hearts.
On the King.

2. Eminen & Rihanna: I Love the Way You Lie
I heard this super catchy song on the radio about a month ago. Looked up the lyrics and watched the video and was bug eyed for all 4 minutes and 27 second of it. It's story of a couple who love each other, then hate each other, love each other, then hate each other. It basically jumps back and forth from sex to physical fighting. Over. And over. And over.

You swore you'd never hit em, never do nothin' to hurt em
Now you're in each other's face spewin' venom in your words 
when you spit em
You push pull each other's hair
Scratch claw hit em throw em down pin em
So lost in the moments when you're in em
It's the rage that's the culprit, controls you both
Next time there won't be no next time
I apologize even though I know it's lies
I'm tired of the games I just want her back
I know I'm a liar, if she ever tries to leave again
I'ma tie her to the bed and set this house on fire



I guess I haven't had MTV on for years, but I truly couldn't believe the shots in that video that are legal to create - extreme anger, spitting in faces, punching through drywall inches from a face, burning bodies, physical abuse + nudity and basically sex. The simultaneous music and lyrics add extra mood to the song.
There's no denial that brokenness  exists in the world. But should we be glorifying it, which incidentally, affirms it for who knows how many people?
I tried to find some redemptive components... but every time something positive came up, it was matched with a downhill spiral of violence.
Too bad it was such a catchy tune.
I still think Eminem is incredibly talented at rapping.

3. East Vancouver vs. The North Shore
Strathcona, in East Vancouver is where it is most common for something to be uneducated and unemployed. It have the smallest percentage of students graduate from high school.

North and West Vancouver on the The North Shore have the highest employment rates and the highest percentage of high school graduates. 

East Vancouver has the lowest paying jobs and the cheapest housing in the city (with the average house a 'measly' half a million, at least), including the majority of public housing and immigrated families.

The North Shore's residents hold the highest paying jobs and have the most expensive housing (with the average house upwards towards 1- 1.5 million.


Family variations are all over the map; there are Strathcona mothers who push and challenge their kids in school, helping them as much as possible with school work and help define their character in impactful ways. There are West Vancouver mothers who see their children 3 hours a day, long enough to bring home take out and drive them around to piano lessons, soccer practice and after school tutoring. These moms hardly have a voice in their children's lives. Brokenness lies in every demographic.

MacDonald Elementary, at East Hastings and Victoria, is closing because they are only at 1/3 capacity. I recently spoke to an affluent mother who lives on the West Side; she said she would never  enroll her child at a school like MacDonald because of the influence of broken families that is present in MacDonald's students' lives. With a reputation like that, no wonder MacD is only at 30% capacity.

I don't have a grand finale point. Just wanted to write out some thoughts.

An evening of rolling down, then up

6:30pm tonight:

"Life has shifted. It's weird and hard to talk about because it's so weird. 

I think I'm overwhelmed by this new pace of life: it's slower, simpler, holds 'less'... but what does that even mean?

This year, I've gone from the sporadic, unpredictable schedule of youth work in East Van, to an extended transition of quick geographic turnovers and many traveled miles, to the summer camp life of constant movement, on-the-go, thinking ahead, taking initiative, making things happen... to 'recovering'... winding down... resting... and now.

For the first time in, perhaps ever? I now have what our culture says is 'normal life'. 

I'm not a student.

I'm not doing a temporary job.

I have a job that's regular business hours, in an office environment, within the education system of our culture.

I have a boyfriend, and we're dreaming about life together, which is AWESOME.

I live in a city, with regulated transit, structure, constant media, expectations, news, gossip and culture.

Why does this all of a sudden feel foreign?

wounded passion

stunted thoughts

do these come from

giving up on passion

not feeding or expressing my thoughts?

...because of a tainted understanding that i must always publish and share my thoughts with others in order for them to be legitimate?

well, that's a lie from this communication addicted culture.

i want to disappear from it.

what inspires me?"

________________________________

8pm tonight:

MIND MAP:

My dream as of right now:

I would wake up early and make my bed, placing colourful throw pillows on the top. Breakfast is eggs, toast, yogurt and fruit in the bright kitchen with big windows. Well balanced photographs line the walls. Once finished, I would head out side to the ocean. After writing while sitting on some big rocks overlooking the water, would tie up my hikers and climb around the rocky shoreline, pausing to watch the biggest waves crash onto the rock. I'd embrace the urge to worship God into the wind and write out heart prayers in the sand. Then I'd hit the waves for an hour of rigorous paddling in hopes of catching a good wave or two to surf. 

Halfway through the day, I take some time to pull the ladder out and spend the rest of the morning painting the exterior of my house, while listening to my playlist of songs that perfectly described my life at one point. 

I would ride the bus into town and spend some time browsing the used book store and pick up some flowers for a friend. I'd grab a good cup of coffee and walk around the village, observing old houses and architecture. I'd smile every time I'd see an old couple, obviously still in love with each other or families interacting with each other.

Dinner would be with my love, Andrew (who although wasn't in the mind map, is an assumed appreciation and inspiration in my life). We'd be dressed up and eat dinner outside on a blanket, with candles and piano music playing in the background! I'd have tried a new recipe  and we'd have an honest conversation about hearts, life, hockey, Costa Rica, dreams, risks, food, love, our days, travel and adventures. 

There would be no city lights, and the stars would be extra vibrant.

I need to start writing more.

And I need to embrace my introverted self instead of forcing "Social Sarah" all the time!

That is it.

:)


Happy people below.

This Next Season

In three days, my room mate and I move into our looong awaited new apartment.
In seven days I start a new job.

Our apartment is on a quiet side street, across the street from a school and a park.
My new job is as an admin assistant, I'll be sitting at a desk, working Monday - Friday, 9 to 5.

I've been on the run for six months now: Ontario, California, camp, Ontario, couch surfing everywhere and anywhere in between...
I've grown accustomed to living out of duffle bags and rubber maids.
I regularly keep a stash of canned tuna, bread, granola bars and apples in my car.

Sarah Hill, once willing and proud to be on the run, flexible, sporadic, impulsive, living life on the run... is looking forward to a season of stability which is just around the bend.
I'm looking forward to baking and taking walks. To sleeping in on Saturdays and being able to go to church every Sunday. To know my work schedule weeks, even months (!) in advance!
To have a job that doesn't involve my heart in an intense way for a season.
To rest.
To breathe.
To enjoy people and relationships.
To be part of a community of people who love God.
To slow down.
To process what has happened, what is happening and to prepare for what is ahead.

Thank you Lord for this season ahead!
I trust your leading and am anticipating great things!