The Perfect Lie: True Beauty in Our Culture

On Friday evening, I went to my parents' church to hear a guest speaker named Alicia Smith. Alicia is a Christian and a model. She models out of Toronto and uses her modeling as a platform to speak about true beauty to women and teen girls. Her talk was entitled "The Perfect Lie". To be honest, I went in a little skeptical, unsure if this was going to be cheesy or not.
It wasn't. 
So here I am, re-digesting via writing, about some of the things I heard on Friday.

To be signed as a model, one must be between 5'9" and 6'0 and weigh less than 120lbs. Her bust must be less than 37", her waist 24", her hips 30-something. Alicia's 6 year old daughter's waist currently measures 23".

There is not one single photo released anymore that hasn't had extensive photoshopping done (except for tabloids perhaps). I thought, "Yeah, yeah, I know this. Airbrushing, removing blemishes, of course that's done."

Madonna is 54 years old. Definitely middle aged. The photo on the left is her normal self. The photo on the right is after photoshop:

Scarlett Johannson is known for being a more curvy, realistically sized actress. These two photos were taken within the same month - the first by random paparazzi, the second well photoshopped for the cover of Cosmopolitan:

Cleavage. WAIST! Tummy. Hips.
They literally changed her body.

Flippa Hamilton has been Ralph Lauren's "cover girl" for years. She has recently been "let go" because she is getting too fat and too old (she's 26). This photo was released in Japan in 2009:

There was such a scandal that we never saw it in North America.
Her waist is smaller than her head.
She has a femur of a Barbie.
Her arms couldn't hold a grocery bag.

Check out this video that Dove came out with a few years back to show what is done from the moment the model walks into the studio to the final billboard.

It shocked me to see what is done to the photos that we see on billboards, magazines, etc.
An average woman's thighs should never look like the sticks that we see in photos.
Even with the best push up bras, breasts rarely are the rising melons that we see in photos.
Slender arms.
Perfect chin.
Small hips.
Yet this is the "definition" of beauty that little girls learn once they pick up a Barbie, and us women compare ourselves to in the grocery check out.
These people that we see in print simply do not exist. They are fabricated.

Every decade, our culture's definition of beauty changes drastically. Every culture's definition of beauty varies: tall, short, round, long, tight, loose... lip discs, elongated necks, Chinese foot binding...
What validates our worth as beautiful women?

Alicia told a story about a time she had to go to New York City to find some designer clothes to update her portfolio. She ended up at a high end shop of clothing that had been runway modeled and was now up for sale. She complained about how all the clothes, were in fact, not attractive, odd and weird looking. She eventually found shorts and a tank top, designed by Marc Jacobs. Finally deciding that she could wear them, she looked at the tank top's price tag: $1500. For a shirt that could have been from Wal-Mart, she said!
$1500 for a shirt that is "worth" as much as a used car; worth more than many people's entire wardrobe.

Who determines the worth of something?
The designer. 

God created us.
God can only create masterpieces.
He cannot make mistakes.
Human beings are his greatest masterpieces.
God says, "You are my best design. You are beautiful."

For you created my inmost being;
    you knit me together in my mother’s womb.
¹⁴ I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
    your works are wonderful,
    I know that full well.
¹⁵ My frame was not hidden from you
    when I was made in the secret place,
    when I was woven together in the depths of the earth.
¹⁶ Your eyes saw my unformed body;
    all the days ordained for me were written in your book
    before one of them came to be.
¹⁷ How precious to me are your thoughts, God!
    How vast is the sum of them!
¹⁸ Were I to count them,
    they would outnumber the grains of sand.
                         - Psalm 139:13-18

Beauty cannot be defined by this world. It can ONLY be defined by the designer. And if we don't intentionally choose to put our worth, our identity of beautiful in God, we will default to putting our worth and identity in what the world says is beautiful, which is, in essence, a lie, and completely unattainable. And it will destroy our hearts as we'll never be good enough.

Beauty cannot be defined on what men/boys think. It cannot be defined by how many friends tell you your Facebook photo is pretty. Or that your girlfriends love your outfit. We cannot be looking to these things to validate our worth. Our worth MUST come from our designer.

Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as elaborate hairstyles and the wearing of gold jewelry or fine clothes. Rather, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight.
- 1 Peter 3:3-4

One can take care of the exterior of their house. But it's what happens inside the house that attracts people to come inside. The inside of a home is where the life is. Where the love, the acceptance is.
In the same way, we need to take care of our bodies. But our hearts are where core beauty and life flows from. Alicia said it perfectly, "God desires our beauty, and if we give him our hearts, he will make us truly beautiful."

So, we need to recognize the lies of beauty that we are constantly bombarded with.
We need to recognize the lies that we have hidden in our hearts.
We need to replace those lies with truths.

And we need to talk to and teach women and girls around us about this "Perfect Lie" and God's Truth of our worth.

Facing resistance?

This quote continues to offer affirmation and perspective to the time in my life where resistance was all I could feel. It reminds me of the passion that comes first... and gives me hope for a new, re-ignited passion and purpose.

"Resistance is the shadow cast by the innovated self's sun. Before the dragon of resistance reared it's ugly head and breathed fire into our faces, there existed within us a force so potent and life affirming that it summoned this beast into being, perversely, to combat it.
But the urge to climb came first. That urge is love. Love for the material, love for the work, love for the brothers and sisters to who we will offer our work as a gift."
-Steve Pressfield

Six years.

Hey girl.

I sat down tonight to write you a little note, and am realizing something for the first time. In the months after your death, the notes and letters I wrote to you were simply a continuation of our friendship and conversation. Life was then still a continuation of you.

Now I am pouring over photos, letters, my scrapbook of you and the memory book Michelle put together for your family on your 20th birthday. Eyes wet; I miss you.

Six years have past.
Things has changed now. Writing to you is no longer a continuation of our conversations. Here I am, 25, married, and I feel like the life that I've lived since your death has been as long as my whole life up until your accident. And so now when I sit down to write you a note, I am writing to 19 year old Katharine, but I am 6 years older. And there is no way to create your future or imagine who you would be today. It's really bizarre.

I love looking back on who you were and the impact you had on so many people. How blessed we were to have a friend like you who was so sincere, kind, fun, bold and hilarious. Our memories were so sweet and innocent. And raw, as we wrestled to understand this life. Saying goodbye to you was absolutely the most difficult thing I have had to do to this point, and somehow it has spurred on the most significant growth, gut-wrenching, painful, life giving growth.

Somehow you have shifted and become a memory - instead of a reality, a tangible part of life, you are a cherished, wonderful memory, always in my heart.
Thank you for your friendship,
for being YOU, always true,
for our crazy, fun, teenage memories,
for being a faithful friend,
for sharing what we knew about life at that point,
for challenging, teaching
for loving me and accepting me as I was.
You are a treasure.

You have changed my life more than you could imagine Katharine, and I rejoice when I think about how you are relishing in God's presence right now - I eagerly await the day that our souls are reunited. What a beautiful embrace that will be!
Love you long time,
Sarah

PS. Just so you know, I wore waterproof mascara on my wedding day in honour of your wisdom and I still pull out those incredible fluorescent 80s leggings from time to time. I remember you every time I eat veggie chips and my cheekbones jump when I wear bronzer. Your Momma made our wedding cake and it was beautiful. I carried you with me all day. xoxo

Old Faithful

Old Faithful is a cone geyser located in Yellowstone National Park, Wyoming. It merits its' name because of it's predicable eruptions. Old Faithful will erupt 65 minutes after an eruption lasting 2.5 minutes, or 91 minutes after an explosion lasting more than 2.5 minutes.

Two choices: live in Vancouver where home and our short history was, or live in Southern Ontario where our family was. This was the decision Andrew and I faced a year and a half ago when we were thinking about where to live after we got married.

After lots of prayer and contemplation, we felt that God was leading us towards Ontario for three specific reasons:
1) Spend intentional time with our immediate families, since we doubt we'll be in Ontario long-term
2) Be intentional about getting to know each other as husband and wife and building a strong marriage foundation for decades to come
3) Be local to 'do life' with many life-long friends, instead of always playing 'catch-up'

Well it's been 7 months. So far we've been blessed to have spent loads of time with family! Andrew played on a hockey team all winter with his brothers, we've been to Ottawa twice to visit my sisters, lots of Hill family dinners and trips up to Listowel to visit the Hartungs. Andrew's youngest sister has spent a couple weekends with us in Kitchener and recently joined us for our roadtrip to Florida. It's been awesome!

We're so thoroughly enjoying being married to each other, building healthy communication habits, joyously (most of the time!) sharing life together, learning to make decisions together and getting to know each other better and better. We've read some solid marriage books, and are working through Mark Driscoll's recent Real Marriage sermons. We're learning how to work through conflict and being challenged daily with humility and lessons in selflessness.

So many fun times with friends! Games nights, birthdays, coffee dates, hockey... and a summer of 7 weddings coming up... we're loving time spent with old friends!

Yet, there are some big things that I love about life that are missing.
Urban culture.
Beautiful environment.
Being part of a Jesus-loving church.
Local outdoor rec - hiking, kayaking, biking.
Working with youth, especially urban Aboriginal youth.
The ocean. Mountains.

It dawned on me this week.
God didn't lead us to Kitchener to be active, to love the city, to be passionate about our jobs and community involvement. He didn't call us to a specific church. He didn't call us here to work at jobs that we love.
He called us here for our family, old friends, and to build our marriage. And that's exactly what is thriving right now.

So he IS faithful! I have been thinking for months that Kitchener just sucks, or we have the wrong attitude about being here or we're doing something wrong.

But no, God is providing exactly what he purposed us here for. And we are being challenged daily to not complain about what's missing, but living fully in what his purposes are. (And hoping like crazy that there are mountain-bound adventures in our future!!!!)

He's never going to lead us somewhere and not have a purpose in it. He is faithful to fulfill his purposes. And I need to keep my eyes and heart on HIM and not me.

The Sweet Spot

While visiting a local church this morning, we were surprised to be there for the lead pastor of 9 years announcing his resignation to the congregation. No scandalous secret sin, no conflict, he had simply become tired of filling a role that didn't allow him to use his God-given gifts. Instead of never ending meetings, budgets and other executive responsibilities, he takes joy in teaching, preaching and loving people - pastoring the church. He is hoping to remain on staff at the church, but in a role more suiting for his gifts.

Beautiful. He had my respect.

He said, "I want to serve through my sweet spot instead of persevering through every day."

Our goal with moving to Ontario for a year after getting married was to spend intentional time with family and Ontario friends because we sense we may not end up living here long term. And that part has been awesome! Neither Andrew or I have lived in Ontario for longer than 4 months since 2007. I'm loving getting to know his family more and he's enjoying spending time with mine. It's great spending time with friends that we haven't seen regularly for years. And we have seven weddings of friends/family this summer - and we can actually GO to them without having to buy airfare!

God's given us some pretty interesting jobs for the year. Andrew is a youth care worker at Hope Manor, a youth jail. I'm a child and youth worker / educational assistant with the Waterloo School Board, right now working in a classroom of 6 students with learning profiles such as autism, intellectual delays and other learning disabilities. Both jobs that are definitely interesting and require us to use our brains and hearts. We can do them and find success but... not our niche.

I yearn to build relationship.
To share life.
To share wisdom and teach.
To mentor and disciple.
To be able to openly share faith without political barriers.

My heart aches for the west coast.
For beautiful East Vancouver.
For glorious mountains.
For culture beyond industry and farming.
To work out of my sweet spot, and not just persevering through every day.

Passion + Gifts + Need = Sweet Spot.
Passion: mentoring through relationship, pointing to Jesus
Gifts: compassion, encouragement, [some] wisdom, teaching
Need: ____________ (where, God?)

So, where's the sweet spot? Not sure at yet. But oh, it will be good when we get there.

And the journey continues!

My last post was one year, two months ago! YIKES!
I'll tell you why!
Life was slow.
Then it FLEW.
Then it got slow again.
Here's a little photo essay:

Packed up and left Vancouver in June

Drove across Canada to Ontario 

Got married!

Drove to Newfoundland for our honeymoon

Set up home in Kitchener, ON 

My mind feels alive when it is actively writing. I need to write, I want to write, even if for the sole purpose to figure this life out. And perhaps I may inspire even the tiniest bit along the way. 

I'm back!

A January of Crazy!

Alright friends.
So January keeps getting crazier. Let me tell you why.

January 5th - I was biking home from work and got hit by a car. Yep. Crazy. Pick-up truck ran a stop sign and hit my front wheel. I had lights on my bike and a helmet on. I'm ok, my bike was a write-off, and ICBC gave me a cheque to compensate. Had some wicked bruising and a sore back for a few days, but I'm hoping to be fine, forever.

January 24th - I dropped my phone in a puddle. Thought it might be toast. Left it in rice overnight, which dried it right out. Thank you rice.

January 25th - I was running late in the morning, and as I juggled my coffee, keys, phone and bus pass, I ran out the door and tripped on a step. I went flying and REALLY dug my palms into the pavement, taking a chunk out of my left hand, the size of a nickle. Had to run to the bus and ride to work with a bloody hand, which I covered under my glove - which KILLED! I got nauseous and almost fainted when I had to clean the grit out of it later that day.

January 26th - A man came into my work this morning, asking for my bosses. They weren't there, but he insisted he call my boss. He fed me (and my boss, on the phone) a story about needing to borrow money to pay a taxi to get him to his recently towed car. He told me he worked in the neighborhood and totally spoke as if he knew my bosses. Anyway, after promising he'd be back in an hour, and leaving his name, wife's name, phone number and work, I "lent" him some money. I tried calling the number shortly after... it doesn't exist. I got SCAMMED. I was oh sooooo MAD! - mostly at my own naivety. He was so convincing.

All that said. I'm ok with January ending next week. Although interesting, I'm done with the injuries and things breaking/getting stolen!

Today's top 20

I've been thinking about Vancouver and urban North American Culture, through, a slightly cynical yet fairly realistic lens, I'd like to think. I spent 3 hours last weekend rollerblading around Stanley Park and English Bay, where eye candy was high rise condos and manicured parks, and demonstrated lifestyles were dominantly "down town", urban folk.
Today, I was browsing though a book called CRAVE Vancouver - the ultimate guide to the places women crave in Vancouver.

I made a list of the top valued things in urban spaces.
Here is my list:

1. Safety - cars, insurance, babysitting
2. Health Care (a reflection of the above)
3. Shiny things - hair, diamonds, lip gloss
4. Ownership - houses, property, memberships
5. Being modern - home decor, fashion
6. Being vintage - bicycles, thrift store, fabric patterns
7. Photos - memories or vanity?
8. Production - make the most possible in the least amount of time
9. Green things - toilet paper, vehicle fuel, grocery bags
10. Organic - shampoo, dog food, vegetables
11. Using less, recycling
12. University education
13. High quality sporting equipment/gear
14. Community - enriching your community, yet there are 20 lawn mowers owned on your block?
15. Good tasting food - without much clue where it comes from
16. Being independently established, perhaps you have an involved spouse
17. Investing in your children; lots of extracurriculars.
18. Sex - good sex, safe sex, sex to sell products
19. Saving money, so we can buy more stuff!
20. "Treating yourself" - massages, chocolate, wine... because YOU deserve it
    

What is Christmas?

Evergreen trees.
Santa Clause.

The Grinch.

The manger.

Christmas carols about snow.

Christmas carols about a baby and a virgin mom.

Christmas carols about love and broken hearts.

Advent.

Mistletoe.

Family.

Baby Jesus was born.

Presents.

Generosity. 

Helping the poor.

The time of the year when homeless people can eat a hot meal every day (as opposed to February). 

Angels.

Selfishness.

Celebrating family.

Celebrating Jesus.

Celebrating greed.

Marketing at its best.

Thankfulness.

Expensive flights.

Chocolate.

Starbucks peppermint lattes.

Coca-Cola.

Hope. 

Joy. 

Peace. 

Love.

The food bank.

The Christmas story.

Christmas dinners (...justified gluttony?) 

Christmas baking.

Christmas lights.

Christmas trees.

Christmas decorating.

Christmas sales.

Christmas Eve mass/church.

Christmas movies.

Christmas holidays.

Christ...?

What is tradition?

What is truth?

Which is priority?

...We're so confused.

Take me to that place

There was a time in my life
when life fit into a back pack
every day there was something to journal about
passion ignited
curiosity unquenchable
invincibility, assumed.

When rent and 9-5 didn't exist
I didn't have a conscience of responsibility,
rather a drive for adventure.

Is it selfishness to explore the world
where there are people to invest in here?

It it foolish to let go of so called societal expectations to feel full of life, to take in the character of God through His creation?
I hope not.

I want to live the life on the shoestring again.
When you fill your belly with local plates of goodness, crafted from the garden, made with love.
Where the land and sky look different, where eyes can see for miles, and where you can't see past the next peak.
Where the sun is the same but everything under it is new.

Where smiles are the same but the language that leaves them is foreign.
Where hours on a bus are justified by what awaits when you get off.

Clothes get washed in the shower,
Food gets eaten when hungry,
When songs of life play in your head and you have a whole new appreciation of where you came from, and a broadened imagination of where you will go.
When a conversation on with a stranger probes you to think of your past.

Where forgiving is easy and resentments fall away.

When it's easier to understand home because you can think of it outside of the box.
Where culture varies and beauty encompasses.
Where watermelon is sold on the side of the road and bodies are dressed differently.

When a smile says enough.

Where there are mountains to climb
waves to surf
rivers to boat
trails to be hiked
rocks to climb
waters to explore

When your wallet is full of foreign currency
and your passport is permanently in your waist
When Lonely Planet, your Bible and journal are the only paper sources carried, and are all worn out to the same level.
When you have bug bites from sleeping at the beach and scraped knees from slipping on the mountain trail.
When you have no idea what the next day will hold, but your certain that you will have a banana for breakfast and a beer with dinner.

Seeing life done differently is fuel to keep moving forward.
Standing at the bottom of the mountain makes you feel small to the world; standing at the top makes you feel like you can conquer it.

Take me to that place
where I feel alive, breathing in life
gulping in the adrenaline of travel
as the world
becomes
within reach again.