I saw Avatar tonight.
I feel like it shook up my insides.
And now I need to see it 10 more times and write a paper on it.
Future analysis and parallels to come.
Man.
Thursday, January 28, 2010
Tuesday, January 26, 2010
Inside my empathetic jacket, Haiti lies on my heart
Well I guess it's about time
that I look past the head lines and fundraisers and frantic photos
of people running, huddling and hugging
and try on this coat called empathy
that I have left hanging up for far too long.
Because while I sit and wallow in my own puddle of self-centred life,
tragedy hits a few thousand kilometers away.
And while my life deems wallowable in my mind at times,
I'm going to dare to slip back on that empathy coat
and see past the newsprint and coloured ink.
And when I dare to let my eyes penetrate,
I see the boy's expressionless face,
"Where am I going, where should I go?
Where is my Mamma and which direction should I walk?"
He is calm, perhaps frozen in the disbelief of his life that has just shattered,
that when he survives, it will be a tragic memory of confusion and pain and loss.
And when I dare to open my ears, and try to fathom what an earthquake sounds like,
I hear stillness.
Trapped.
Under the rubble, and all she can hear is water dripping, dripping, dripping
down the concrete that is lying vertical and perpendicular all around her body
as she waits
for someone to remember her.
To look, to dig, to search, to rescue her.
And when I dare to smell.
I inhale dust.
Buildings fallen, dust rising.
Dreams dashed, and dust rising.
Families destroyed... and dust rising.
Can one taste an earth quake?
Thank you World Vision.
Thank you Compassion.
Thank you UNICEF.
Thank you Samaritan's Purse.
For taking food and water.
For ensuring that physical needs are important, and that heart needs will come with time and healing.
And as I struggle with this final sense,
I try to imagine what it would be like to touch Haiti right now.
Touch the mother who could not find her daughter for 2 days, before finding her at a safe camp.
Touch the daughter who's mother held her through the dismantle of their home, whose body was protected by the woman who gave her life.
Touch the father who was gone early for work and came home to his family, gone.
Touch the brother who is left as the oldest surviver of his family, now responsible for his siblings.
Touch the family who was spared from death, and now must rebuild their life from the rubble.
And as I spout out these stories, the reality sinks in that they are indeed, REAL.
I search for context, so I might understand...
This empathetic jacket feels heavy right now,
as my heart is overwhelmed.
The irony sinks in, because as I so yearn to FEEL alive,
my neighbours are simply happy to BE alive.
Context is a rather bitter pill at times....
Hope?
Hope?
Where are you?
My heart feels void of you as I think of my brothers and sisters...
I can only hope you have taken up full residence in the heart of Haiti.
that I look past the head lines and fundraisers and frantic photos
of people running, huddling and hugging
and try on this coat called empathy
that I have left hanging up for far too long.
Because while I sit and wallow in my own puddle of self-centred life,
tragedy hits a few thousand kilometers away.
And while my life deems wallowable in my mind at times,
I'm going to dare to slip back on that empathy coat
and see past the newsprint and coloured ink.
And when I dare to let my eyes penetrate,
I see the boy's expressionless face,
"Where am I going, where should I go?
Where is my Mamma and which direction should I walk?"
He is calm, perhaps frozen in the disbelief of his life that has just shattered,
that when he survives, it will be a tragic memory of confusion and pain and loss.
And when I dare to open my ears, and try to fathom what an earthquake sounds like,
I hear stillness.
Trapped.
Under the rubble, and all she can hear is water dripping, dripping, dripping
down the concrete that is lying vertical and perpendicular all around her body
as she waits
for someone to remember her.
To look, to dig, to search, to rescue her.
And when I dare to smell.
I inhale dust.
Buildings fallen, dust rising.
Dreams dashed, and dust rising.
Families destroyed... and dust rising.
Can one taste an earth quake?
Thank you World Vision.
Thank you Compassion.
Thank you UNICEF.
Thank you Samaritan's Purse.
For taking food and water.
For ensuring that physical needs are important, and that heart needs will come with time and healing.
And as I struggle with this final sense,
I try to imagine what it would be like to touch Haiti right now.
Touch the mother who could not find her daughter for 2 days, before finding her at a safe camp.
Touch the daughter who's mother held her through the dismantle of their home, whose body was protected by the woman who gave her life.
Touch the father who was gone early for work and came home to his family, gone.
Touch the brother who is left as the oldest surviver of his family, now responsible for his siblings.
Touch the family who was spared from death, and now must rebuild their life from the rubble.
And as I spout out these stories, the reality sinks in that they are indeed, REAL.
I search for context, so I might understand...
This empathetic jacket feels heavy right now,
as my heart is overwhelmed.
The irony sinks in, because as I so yearn to FEEL alive,
my neighbours are simply happy to BE alive.
Context is a rather bitter pill at times....
Hope?
Hope?
Where are you?
My heart feels void of you as I think of my brothers and sisters...
I can only hope you have taken up full residence in the heart of Haiti.
Monday, January 18, 2010
A Good Story.
When your school teacher remembers and loves her students.
When children respect adults and they are loved dearly.
When people bicycled to get around.
When, if you wanted to speak with someone, you approached them directly.
People used mail to communicate.
Women wore classy dresses.
You ate the peas you just podded for dinner.
Men would ask for dances in advance to the actual dance. And women had dance cards to record the reserved dances on.
Where romance was subtle, yet obvious, and there was always a romantic bridge to kiss on, or a grassy meadow to dance in.
Story.
What a gift - to wrapped up in an imaginative life, where the characters are so real and relatable. Your heart is so involved in the plot that your emotions rise and fall with that of the people in the story.
Is it a way to escape my life, and enter into someone elses?
Is it an avenue in which to let my dreams run wild in?
Is it a parallel to my own story, my journey, my life, in which I become friends with Anne and respect Miss Stacey, swoon over Gilbert and empathize for Katherine Brookes?
I love story.
I love writing and dreaming.
I think I would love Prince Edward Island.
And I looooove story.
Sunday, January 17, 2010
I had a dream last night...
... I was in a war. My team was all in boats, and the war was on the water. We travelled at night, so we could sneak up on enemy ships.
We were trying to sink Pyro Pyraro's ship. We launched out of a drug store, that was right on the water. I had a rented kayak; it was red.
As we were paddling through the night, in our various boats (canoes, rowboats, kayaks... and the one red tractor that could drive on water), the sun was starting to rise and we could see the sillouettes of all these other boats on the horizon - big boats. But since it was only dawn, they were all sleeping.
Then we started paddling through an area where Pyro Pyraro had already been! There were about a dozen empty canoes and kayaks! I was smart: I pulled up beside them and took the cannon balls from their cannons so I had extra amo for my cannon. My friend Phil from Camp Qwanoes saw me do this and gave me a thumbs up. I gave him some extra cannon balls.
All of a sudden - there we were! Pyro Pyraro's ship!
Our leader, in his red tractor that drove on water, drove up to the ship, and set the back on fire. It started sinking like the Titanic!
BUT, Pyro Pyraro and one of his men (who had a fake long white British wig on) jumped out into the water! Our leader jumped out of the tractor and ran across the water, and killed Pyro Pyraro and his man.
Then, the tractor, which was was unoporated by a driver, drove up the ridge of the boat that was still sinking, caught air, landed in the water, and sank.
We lost our red tractor that drove on water.
So, off we went back to the drug store launch pad. No on knew about the war. I went and found the toothpaste aisle because I needed my backpack from it, which had my Nikes in it. I only put one shoe on, then went back 5 mins later to find the other one. I had to pee but there was a long line for the bathroom after the battle.
A staff member put my kayak deep into the warehouse, so we were trying to find it to get it out, so we could go back out into battle.
AND THE KICKER: a drug mart staff member, (who is real life is a lady named Margaret that I know in Vancouver), started telling me about her friend Pyro Pyraro who comes into the drug store after his battles and he sits and talks to Margaret. She said how he always wins battles because he has a trick - he sets HIS boat on fire. (I didn't really understand how that won him battles, but I figured he must have been a lonely guy to only have a friend at the drug store).
And I still had to pee.
THEN I WOKE UP. I really wanted to get back to my dream because we were going into battle again. But it was 9am, I had slept for 8hrs, and I really had to go to the bathroom.
THE END.
We were trying to sink Pyro Pyraro's ship. We launched out of a drug store, that was right on the water. I had a rented kayak; it was red.
As we were paddling through the night, in our various boats (canoes, rowboats, kayaks... and the one red tractor that could drive on water), the sun was starting to rise and we could see the sillouettes of all these other boats on the horizon - big boats. But since it was only dawn, they were all sleeping.
Then we started paddling through an area where Pyro Pyraro had already been! There were about a dozen empty canoes and kayaks! I was smart: I pulled up beside them and took the cannon balls from their cannons so I had extra amo for my cannon. My friend Phil from Camp Qwanoes saw me do this and gave me a thumbs up. I gave him some extra cannon balls.
All of a sudden - there we were! Pyro Pyraro's ship!
Our leader, in his red tractor that drove on water, drove up to the ship, and set the back on fire. It started sinking like the Titanic!
BUT, Pyro Pyraro and one of his men (who had a fake long white British wig on) jumped out into the water! Our leader jumped out of the tractor and ran across the water, and killed Pyro Pyraro and his man.
Then, the tractor, which was was unoporated by a driver, drove up the ridge of the boat that was still sinking, caught air, landed in the water, and sank.
We lost our red tractor that drove on water.
So, off we went back to the drug store launch pad. No on knew about the war. I went and found the toothpaste aisle because I needed my backpack from it, which had my Nikes in it. I only put one shoe on, then went back 5 mins later to find the other one. I had to pee but there was a long line for the bathroom after the battle.
A staff member put my kayak deep into the warehouse, so we were trying to find it to get it out, so we could go back out into battle.
AND THE KICKER: a drug mart staff member, (who is real life is a lady named Margaret that I know in Vancouver), started telling me about her friend Pyro Pyraro who comes into the drug store after his battles and he sits and talks to Margaret. She said how he always wins battles because he has a trick - he sets HIS boat on fire. (I didn't really understand how that won him battles, but I figured he must have been a lonely guy to only have a friend at the drug store).
And I still had to pee.
THEN I WOKE UP. I really wanted to get back to my dream because we were going into battle again. But it was 9am, I had slept for 8hrs, and I really had to go to the bathroom.
THE END.
Friday, January 8, 2010
Once upon a time in 2009...
[Ever since age 19, it is tradition of my brother Mark Klausen and I to list all the significant things that happened in the previous year. In no particular order, here is year #5]
1. Packed up life into 2 suit cases, said goodbye to family and friends and moved across the country.
2. Discovered Craigslist.
3. Was blessed by community providing for each other.
4. Drove a minivan filled with children for 8 months.
5. Discovered 50% off day at Value Village
6. Learned how to share possessions with my community.
7. Collected 15yrs worth of National Geographics.
8. Painted my dresser bright yellow.
9. Learned Vancouver.
10. Travelled to Ontario, Alberta, Oregon, Seattle, Whistler, the Island.
11. Went hiking approximately 30 times.
12. Slept in a tent 3 times, all post summer.
13. Lived in 3 different apartments.
14. Slept in approximately 15 different beds.
15. Owned my first car, which I was given for free.
16. Worked 4 different jobs.
17. Got to know an incredibly loved, awesome group of kids in East Vancouver.
18. Decided that I don't necessarily want to be single for the rest of my life.
19. Only bought produce at markets.
20. ...but did not become "organic".
21. Was pick pocketed and lost all my ID except my passport.
22. Got a Mac.
23. Rediscovered Dr. Suess.
24. Discovered poetry slams.
25. Worked for a week on a Native reserve in Alberta.
26. Had a passion explode for kids and youth on reserves.
27. Sat on Cannon Beach, Oregon and listened to Journey on repeat.
28. Spent so many sunny afternoons lying on a blanket at Trout Lake.
29. Fell in love with Commercial Drive.
30. Broke a lots wooden rings.
31. Travelled by bicycle a lot.
32. Watched summer sunsets from Kitts beach.
33. Was visited by Mom, Darrell & Karen, Jim & Bonnie, Brian, Mike Kelly, Bec, Lorae, Krista and Laura.
34. Went 6 months without seeing some of my family.
35. Lived in a ghetto junkhole apartment.
36. Ate uncountable Bon's $2.95 breakfasts.
37. Went horseback riding.
38. Met my childhood penpal from Germany.
39. Ate a lot of sushi and slushies.
40. Started a led Outer's Club - getting city kids outside!
41. Did an after school program.
42. Drove from Lethbridge - Vancouver, 14 straight hrs (including a speeding ticket, boooo.)
43. Spent 2 weeks at wonderful Camp Qwanoes.
44. Biked the seawall at Stanley Park probably 10 times.
45. Wrote poems.
46. Signed my first cell phone contract.
47. Filled a lot of journal space.
48. Possibly experienced love.
49. Broke a heart, and mine too.
50. Was the most lonely I've ever been.
51. Unemployed.
52. Gave it my all, but saw few outcomes.
53. Burnt out.
54. Broken, hopeless, stressed out, anxious, scared.
55. Considered giving up.
56. Saved by grace, sustained by God.
57. Was a bridesmaid in a dear friend's wedding.
58. Had to smile through a wedding I wasn't a fan of.
59. Went to 3 weddings and 2 funerals.
60. Decided to leave 2009 in 2009, and fully embraced the calender change.
:)
1. Packed up life into 2 suit cases, said goodbye to family and friends and moved across the country.
2. Discovered Craigslist.
3. Was blessed by community providing for each other.
4. Drove a minivan filled with children for 8 months.
5. Discovered 50% off day at Value Village
6. Learned how to share possessions with my community.
7. Collected 15yrs worth of National Geographics.
8. Painted my dresser bright yellow.
9. Learned Vancouver.
10. Travelled to Ontario, Alberta, Oregon, Seattle, Whistler, the Island.
11. Went hiking approximately 30 times.
12. Slept in a tent 3 times, all post summer.
13. Lived in 3 different apartments.
14. Slept in approximately 15 different beds.
15. Owned my first car, which I was given for free.
16. Worked 4 different jobs.
17. Got to know an incredibly loved, awesome group of kids in East Vancouver.
18. Decided that I don't necessarily want to be single for the rest of my life.
19. Only bought produce at markets.
20. ...but did not become "organic".
21. Was pick pocketed and lost all my ID except my passport.
22. Got a Mac.
23. Rediscovered Dr. Suess.
24. Discovered poetry slams.
25. Worked for a week on a Native reserve in Alberta.
26. Had a passion explode for kids and youth on reserves.
27. Sat on Cannon Beach, Oregon and listened to Journey on repeat.
28. Spent so many sunny afternoons lying on a blanket at Trout Lake.
29. Fell in love with Commercial Drive.
30. Broke a lots wooden rings.
31. Travelled by bicycle a lot.
32. Watched summer sunsets from Kitts beach.
33. Was visited by Mom, Darrell & Karen, Jim & Bonnie, Brian, Mike Kelly, Bec, Lorae, Krista and Laura.
34. Went 6 months without seeing some of my family.
35. Lived in a ghetto junkhole apartment.
36. Ate uncountable Bon's $2.95 breakfasts.
37. Went horseback riding.
38. Met my childhood penpal from Germany.
39. Ate a lot of sushi and slushies.
40. Started a led Outer's Club - getting city kids outside!
41. Did an after school program.
42. Drove from Lethbridge - Vancouver, 14 straight hrs (including a speeding ticket, boooo.)
43. Spent 2 weeks at wonderful Camp Qwanoes.
44. Biked the seawall at Stanley Park probably 10 times.
45. Wrote poems.
46. Signed my first cell phone contract.
47. Filled a lot of journal space.
48. Possibly experienced love.
49. Broke a heart, and mine too.
50. Was the most lonely I've ever been.
51. Unemployed.
52. Gave it my all, but saw few outcomes.
53. Burnt out.
54. Broken, hopeless, stressed out, anxious, scared.
55. Considered giving up.
56. Saved by grace, sustained by God.
57. Was a bridesmaid in a dear friend's wedding.
58. Had to smile through a wedding I wasn't a fan of.
59. Went to 3 weddings and 2 funerals.
60. Decided to leave 2009 in 2009, and fully embraced the calender change.
:)
Wednesday, November 25, 2009
BUMMED.
WHISTLER:
EARLY SEASON
220cm SNOW BASE
SNOWIEST NOVEMBER ON THE RECORD.
We were going to drive up Tuesday night, have all day Wednesday on the mountain, hang out at night, and come back Thursday morning.
Then plans changed and we planned to leave Wednesday morning.
Then a work meeting was forgotten and we would have had to come back Wednesday night.
Then I didn't have snow gear, so I arranged to borrow.
Then I got stuck in rush hour and forgot to stop and rent gear.
When I went back later, MEC didn't have the right skiis, and Sports Junkies was closed.
Then I couldn't buy a lift ticket at 7-11.
Wednesday morning, we were about 30mins down the highway and had to come back for a forgotten credit card/ID... that had actually ended up being dropped on the street.
By that time, once we would have arrived in Whistler, and gotten rentals, it would have been 10:30, and the mountain closes at 3.
So I made a disappointing, financially wise decision and stayed in the city while my friends drove off for Whistler.
It seems like everything leading up to today wasn't working out, so maaaaybe I wasn't supposed to go to Whistler today.
Either way, I'm totally uber bummed and am sitting in my snow suit on my bed.
EARLY SEASON
220cm SNOW BASE
SNOWIEST NOVEMBER ON THE RECORD.
Then plans changed and we planned to leave Wednesday morning.
Then a work meeting was forgotten and we would have had to come back Wednesday night.
Then I didn't have snow gear, so I arranged to borrow.
Then I got stuck in rush hour and forgot to stop and rent gear.
When I went back later, MEC didn't have the right skiis, and Sports Junkies was closed.
Then I couldn't buy a lift ticket at 7-11.
Wednesday morning, we were about 30mins down the highway and had to come back for a forgotten credit card/ID... that had actually ended up being dropped on the street.
By that time, once we would have arrived in Whistler, and gotten rentals, it would have been 10:30, and the mountain closes at 3.
So I made a disappointing, financially wise decision and stayed in the city while my friends drove off for Whistler.
It seems like everything leading up to today wasn't working out, so maaaaybe I wasn't supposed to go to Whistler today.
Either way, I'm totally uber bummed and am sitting in my snow suit on my bed.
Thursday, November 19, 2009
Weather Network: "A wind and rain warning are in effect..."
Big, stormy, windy nights.
The rain hits angry on the window pane, and the wind can her heard from in my safe, cozy, warm house.
I love them!
It reminds me of growing up on the farm - our farm house was 100 years old and the roof was made of tin. When it rains, me and my sisters' bedroom was loud. I suppose when I was little, I would run across the hall to Dad and Mom's bed, where the wind didn't blow and the rain didn't pour.
Hmmmm.
A parable, if you will:
The Wise and Foolish Builders
Matthew 7:25-27
"Therefore everyone who hears these words of mine and puts them into practice is like a wise man who built his house on the rock. The rain came down, the streams rose, and the winds blew and beat against that house; yet it did not fall, because it had its foundation on the rock. But everyone who hears these words of mine and does not put them into practice is like a foolish man who built his house on sand. The rain came down, the streams rose, and the winds blew and beat against that house, and it fell with a great crash."
I recently read an 'aside note' from this familiar parable that in Sunday School, I would colour colouring sheets on. What can we learn from this story?
Build your life on something solid: Christ. Do this by listening and obeying.
What else.
Both the foolish and the wise man went through storms.
The rains fell, there were floods, the wind blew strong.
It didn't matter the men's family backgrounds, marital status, income level, nationality, life experience, colour of hair or what kind of address they had. The storms still came.
And they are hard... and painful... and sometimes all you do is feel the wind and not know what direction to go. You feel the thunder and think the pain will never leave. The waters rise simultaneously with your panic.
Where's your safe house?
Where's your parents' bed?
Even youths grow tired and weary,
and young men stumble and fall;
But those who hope in the Lord
will renew their strength.
They will soar on wings like eagles,
They will run and not grow weary,
They will walk and not grow faint.
-Isaiah 40:30-31
Hmmm. So how exactly does that look. What about the wind, floods and rain? Those are freaking scary! And confusing and discouraging and unappreciated.
Iy yi, and this?...
"We also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us."
(Romans 5:3-5)
HOPE.
It never dies.
It never disappoints.
No matter the storm.
Foundation.
TRUST.
Truth.
...unwavering?
Even in mad confusion?
Unwavering.
Even when society tries to redefine truth a million times - there's got to be something constant, something to cling to that doesn't change every generation. Right??
Man I hope so, or else life is being tossed in the waves without a PFD: directionless, out of control and with no indication that it could possibly get better.
ALL THAT SAID, Lord, be my peace, my strength and my direction when I have no idea what's up with life-weather.
And I wish BC had more thunderstorms.
Good night.
Sunday, November 15, 2009
Newly Released: "Beauty Will Rise"
Thank you for being real about life and brokenness in your new album.
From,
Sarah
Sunday, November 8, 2009
I Will [Not]...
I will not fall victim to relentless Christmas marketing that has invaded this city since November 1st.
I will park my car for the Olympics and walk everywhere.
I will not get this flu that everyone is getting these days.
I will eat more vegetables starting this week.
I will not become addicted to my new, shnazzy cell phone.
I will choose to move forward.
I will park my car for the Olympics and walk everywhere.
I will not get this flu that everyone is getting these days.
I will eat more vegetables starting this week.
I will not become addicted to my new, shnazzy cell phone.
I will choose to move forward.
Wednesday, November 4, 2009
How to botch up a job interview 101
1. Get stuck in traffic
2. Show up late to the GROUP interview, where there are 2 others there... on time.
3. Miss the first part of the interview regarding pay and uniform, then ask about it at the end.
4. When giving him your resume at the end, realize there is no contact number on it for you.
5. Mumble something about just getting a new cell phone that afternoon (true story), and ask if you can WRITE it on your resume.
6. Forget your new phone number, and have to look it up.
7. Your phone is off, so you try to remember it by memory from the keypad pattern, but likely put the wrong phone number down for them to contact you on.
...and... fired, before you even get hired.
Hahahahaha...
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