Once upon a time in 2009...

[Ever since age 19, it is tradition of my brother Mark Klausen and I to list all the significant things that happened in the previous year. In no particular order, here is year #5]

1. Packed up life into 2 suit cases, said goodbye to family and friends and moved across the country.
2. Discovered Craigslist.
3. Was blessed by community providing for each other.
4. Drove a minivan filled with children for 8 months.
5. Discovered 50% off day at Value Village
6. Learned how to share possessions with my community.
7. Collected 15yrs worth of National Geographics.
8. Painted my dresser bright yellow.
9. Learned Vancouver.
10. Travelled to Ontario, Alberta, Oregon, Seattle, Whistler, the Island.
11. Went hiking approximately 30 times.
12. Slept in a tent 3 times, all post summer.
13. Lived in 3 different apartments.
14. Slept in approximately 15 different beds.
15. Owned my first car, which I was given for free.
16. Worked 4 different jobs.
17. Got to know an incredibly loved, awesome group of kids in East Vancouver.
18. Decided that I don't necessarily want to be single for the rest of my life.
19. Only bought produce at markets.
20. ...but did not become "organic".
21. Was pick pocketed and lost all my ID except my passport.
22. Got a Mac.
23. Rediscovered Dr. Suess.
24. Discovered poetry slams.
25. Worked for a week on a Native reserve in Alberta.
26. Had a passion explode for kids and youth on reserves.
27. Sat on Cannon Beach, Oregon and listened to Journey on repeat.
28. Spent so many sunny afternoons lying on a blanket at Trout Lake.
29. Fell in love with Commercial Drive.
30. Broke a lots wooden rings.
31. Travelled by bicycle a lot.
32. Watched summer sunsets from Kitts beach.
33. Was visited by Mom, Darrell & Karen, Jim & Bonnie, Brian, Mike Kelly, Bec, Lorae, Krista and Laura.
34. Went 6 months without seeing some of my family.
35. Lived in a ghetto junkhole apartment.
36. Ate uncountable Bon's $2.95 breakfasts.
37. Went horseback riding.
38. Met my childhood penpal from Germany.
39. Ate a lot of sushi and slushies.
40. Started a led Outer's Club - getting city kids outside!
41. Did an after school program.
42. Drove from Lethbridge - Vancouver, 14 straight hrs (including a speeding ticket, boooo.)
43. Spent 2 weeks at wonderful Camp Qwanoes.
44. Biked the seawall at Stanley Park probably 10 times.
45. Wrote poems.
46. Signed my first cell phone contract.
47. Filled a lot of journal space.
48. Possibly experienced love.
49. Broke a heart, and mine too.
50. Was the most lonely I've ever been.
51. Unemployed.
52. Gave it my all, but saw few outcomes.
53. Burnt out.
54. Broken, hopeless, stressed out, anxious, scared.
55. Considered giving up.
56. Saved by grace, sustained by God.
57. Was a bridesmaid in a dear friend's wedding.
58. Had to smile through a wedding I wasn't a fan of.
59. Went to 3 weddings and 2 funerals.
60. Decided to leave 2009 in 2009, and fully embraced the calender change.

:)

BUMMED.

WHISTLER:
EARLY SEASON
220cm SNOW BASE
SNOWIEST NOVEMBER ON THE RECORD.

We were going to drive up Tuesday night, have all day Wednesday on the mountain, hang out at night, and come back Thursday morning.

Then plans changed and we planned to leave Wednesday morning.
Then a work meeting was forgotten and we would have had to come back Wednesday night.
Then I didn't have snow gear, so I arranged to borrow.
Then I got stuck in rush hour and forgot to stop and rent gear.
When I went back later, MEC didn't have the right skiis, and Sports Junkies was closed.
Then I couldn't buy a lift ticket at 7-11.
Wednesday morning, we were about 30mins down the highway and had to come back for a forgotten credit card/ID... that had actually ended up being dropped on the street.
By that time, once we would have arrived in Whistler, and gotten rentals, it would have been 10:30, and the mountain closes at 3.

So I made a disappointing, financially wise decision and stayed in the city while my friends drove off for Whistler.
It seems like everything leading up to today wasn't working out, so maaaaybe I wasn't supposed to go to Whistler today.

Either way, I'm totally uber bummed and am sitting in my snow suit on my bed.

Weather Network: "A wind and rain warning are in effect..."

Big, stormy, windy nights.
The rain hits angry on the window pane, and the wind can her heard from in my safe, cozy, warm house.
I love them!
It reminds me of growing up on the farm - our farm house was 100 years old and the roof was made of tin. When it rains, me and my sisters' bedroom was loud. I suppose when I was little, I would run across the hall to Dad and Mom's bed, where the wind didn't blow and the rain didn't pour.
Hmmmm.
A parable, if you will:


The Wise and Foolish Builders 
Matthew 7:25-27
"Therefore everyone who hears these words of mine and puts them into practice is like a wise man who built his house on the rock. The rain came down, the streams rose, and the winds blew and beat against that house; yet it did not fall, because it had its foundation on the rock. But everyone who hears these words of mine and does not put them into practice is like a foolish man who built his house on sand. The rain came down, the streams rose, and the winds blew and beat against that house, and it fell with a great crash."


I recently read an 'aside note' from this familiar parable that in Sunday School, I would colour colouring sheets on. What can we learn from this story? 
Build your life on something solid: Christ. Do this by listening and obeying.
What else.
Both the foolish and the wise man went through storms.
The rains fell, there were floods, the wind blew strong.
It didn't matter the men's family backgrounds, marital status, income level, nationality, life experience, colour of hair or what kind of address they had. The storms still came.


And they are hard... and painful... and sometimes all you do is feel the wind and not know what direction to go. You feel the thunder and think the pain will never leave. The waters rise simultaneously with your panic.
Where's your safe house?
Where's your parents' bed?


Even youths grow tired and weary,
and young men stumble and fall;
But those who hope in the Lord
will renew their strength.
They will soar on wings like eagles,
They will run and not grow weary,
They will walk and not grow faint.
-Isaiah 40:30-31


Hmmm. So how exactly does that look. What about the wind, floods and rain? Those are freaking scary! And confusing and discouraging and unappreciated.


Iy yi, and this?...
"We also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us."
(Romans 5:3-5)


HOPE. 
It never dies.
It never disappoints.
No matter the storm.
Foundation.
TRUST.
Truth.
...unwavering?
Even in mad confusion?
Unwavering. 
Even when society tries to redefine truth a million times - there's got to be something constant, something to cling to that doesn't change every generation. Right??
Man I hope so, or else life is being tossed in the waves without a PFD: directionless, out of control and with no indication that it could possibly get better.


ALL THAT SAID, Lord, be my peace, my strength and my direction when I have no idea what's up with life-weather.
And I wish BC had more thunderstorms.
Good night.

Newly Released: "Beauty Will Rise"

Dear Steven Curtis Chapman,
Thank you for being real about life and brokenness in your new album.
From,
Sarah

I Will [Not]...

I will not fall victim to relentless Christmas marketing that has invaded this city since November 1st.
I will park my car for the Olympics and walk everywhere.
I will not get this flu that everyone is getting these days.
I will eat more vegetables starting this week.
I will not become addicted to my new, shnazzy cell phone.
I will choose to move forward.

How to botch up a job interview 101

1. Get stuck in traffic

2. Show up late to the GROUP interview, where there are 2 others there... on time.

3. Miss the first part of the interview regarding pay and uniform, then ask about it at the end.

4. When giving him your resume at the end, realize there is no contact number on it for you.

5. Mumble something about just getting a new cell phone that afternoon (true story), and ask if you can WRITE it on your resume.

6. Forget your new phone number, and have to look it up.

7. Your phone is off, so you try to remember it by memory from the keypad pattern, but likely put the wrong phone number down for them to contact you on.

...and... fired, before you even get hired.

Hahahahaha...

Heart Matters

What, why and how.

What IS 'the heart'?

An organ.

A source of feeling, emotion and passion.

Both physical and abstract.

WHY does the abstract version 'feel'?

And really, the main question is HOW, HOW, HOW.

How do we 'feel' pain?

Difficulty? Wretchedness?

Joy to the max, hope, determination.

HOW do these feelings overtake our minds?

HOW do they ravage through our thoughts?

WHAT is the co-relation between our heart feelings and physical happenings?

WHY can't we control them?

What ARE feelings?

WHY are they dry as dirt one week, then dripping with richness the next.

WHY,

WHAT,

HOW.

Gaaaaagggghhhh.

"When everything is wrong, the day has passed and nothing's done

and the whole world seems against me,

When I'm rolling in my bed, there's a storm in my head

I'm afraid of sinking into despair.

Teach me Lord to have faith

In what you're bringing me will

change my life and bring you glory.

THere on the storm I am learning to let go

of the will I am so longing to control.

There may I be in your arms eternally

I thank you Lord, you are the calmer of the storm."

-Downhere

HOPE.

"Hope sees the invisible, feels the intangible, and achieves the impossible."

-Author Unknown

"Hope is always a good thing, maybe the best of things, and no good thing ever dies."

-Shawshank Redemption

Materialism: Thoughts and Whatnot.

I think I'm gaining some insight into our culture's desperate demand to acquire more and more stuff, which requires more and more money.

Here is my mere psychological hypothesis on the situation.

I have spent the past six weeks unemployed, blessed with lots of time to sleep in, read, journal, think, cook, visit friends, travel home, take a roadtrip, spend time outside... I've had lots of time to myself. Which was what I truly needed and wanted. I've been able to work through a lot of stuff and learn lots.

And now? I'm ready for something else. I'm ready for some structure to my days (I loooove structure, apparently). I'm ready to pour my energies into something again. I'm ready to accomplish things for something else rather than my own mind. I have had too much time in my own thoughts and want to think about other things...

...because THIS is what I have found.

When it's all about you, and you're pouring all your efforts into 'developing yourself'... you don't feel outward accomplishment. And when you're not feeling outward accomplishment, you feel the void there. And you want to feel like you're gaining something.

This is a very vulnerable position to be in, because all of a sudden, there seems to be lots of things to 'gain': Cell Phone. Computer. Camera. Bumper Sticker. Canucks Flag for Car. Books. Bread. Coat.

...soon attaining and gaining merge to the same thing.

Why am I not feeling complete? Oh I need to do something with my time/I need to gain something.

Red Flag!

I don't have anything scheduled into my day. Oh I should go out. Hmm, I should have something to prove my time spent: I'll go buy some food. Or maybe a coffee.

Red Flag!

Something obviously isn't right in our hearts when we hit this point. The challenge is to find out what it is. Maybe it IS because of something legitimate, like not currently having a daily task to complete, ie. job, school, etc. But the question is, what does God want me to do in this limbo time? Definitely not look to gain/attain.

Because materialism definitely doesn't give sustainable fulfillment - only momentarily pleasure.

And gaining 'things' doesn't give us status or identity - only in worldly ways, which fade with the flowers.

No wonder our general population, who either subconsciously/consciously bored or searching for something, looking for fulfillment (even if only momentarily) and identity look to gaining materialistic items.

And people who are unable to work or study because of illness, depression, etc, are looking for their lives to count for something... fulfillment and identity are human desires... our culture points to 'stuff, stuff, stuff'... it's an easy out.

Or, perhaps, an 'easy in'.

But not sustainable.

Not permanent.

And definitely not fulfilling - it always leaves you wanting more, more, more.

Interesting:

"Most of us want more income so we can consume more. Yet as societies become richer, they do not become happier. In fact, the First World has more depression, more alcoholism and more crime than fifty years ago. This paradox is true of Britain, the United States, continental Europe and Japan."

I think I could write a paper on this. Just for fun.

"Researchers have found that low self-esteem and materialism are not just a correlation, but also a causal relationship where low self esteem increases materialism, and materialism can also create low self-esteem. The also found that as self esteem increases, materialism decreases."

Maybe another question is, "Is low self-esteem the cause for a majority of our culture's need for materialism?"

...and then "Why is low-self esteem such a problem in our culture?"

Media messages?

Cultural unrealistic expectations?

Lack of faith, truth, reason for existence?

Oh, Western Culture. Sometimes I just want to pop you like a balloon.

On that note, I am going to go make a sandwich.

Beauty from Ashes

Burnt Out.

You hear stories of family's homes that catch on fire: a forgotten candle, an electrical blip, the stove that was left on.

Family photos, gone. The playroom where house, tag, Monopoly and Lego was played, gone. The dining room where hundreds of family meals were shared, gone. The backyard and driveway where skills like riding a bike, building a campfire, mastering a backflip on the trampoline, gone.

ASHES.

Thick, deeps, unforgiving, irreversible ashes.

Sometimes our lives resemble that burnt property: passions dissolved, hopes dashed, compassion turned to apathy, visions deflated, energies emptied.

Ashes.

Burnt out.

Lupins.

They are a wildflower. Often purple.

They grow from ashes.

They don't need Grade A soil with all the nutrients. They use ashes to spur beautiful growth.

They are known as 'invasive' - meaning they see no boundaries as to where to grow. They take over meadows, roadsides, creeksides. Their presence is impossible to ignore. And they smell pretty.

God raises growth from the ashes.

And not just growth, growth that is beautiful.

Growth that overtakes the previously burnt land.

Growth that grows naturally.

Growth that heals the wounds.

Growth that gives hope.

Growth that inspires.

Growth that is impossible to ignore.

Even though much is lost, and the terrain is desolate, we can TRUST in the lupins, we can trust that God brings life from the ashes, and beauty from the broken.