6:30pm tonight:
"Life has shifted. It's weird and hard to talk about because it's so weird.
I think I'm overwhelmed by this new pace of life: it's slower, simpler, holds 'less'... but what does that even mean?
This year, I've gone from the sporadic, unpredictable schedule of youth work in East Van, to an extended transition of quick geographic turnovers and many traveled miles, to the summer camp life of constant movement, on-the-go, thinking ahead, taking initiative, making things happen... to 'recovering'... winding down... resting... and now.
For the first time in, perhaps ever? I now have what our culture says is 'normal life'.
I'm not a student.
I'm not doing a temporary job.
I have a job that's regular business hours, in an office environment, within the education system of our culture.
I have a boyfriend, and we're dreaming about life together, which is AWESOME.
I live in a city, with regulated transit, structure, constant media, expectations, news, gossip and culture.
Why does this all of a sudden feel foreign?
wounded passion
stunted thoughts
do these come from
giving up on passion
not feeding or expressing my thoughts?
...because of a tainted understanding that i must always publish and share my thoughts with others in order for them to be legitimate?
well, that's a lie from this communication addicted culture.
i want to disappear from it.
what inspires me?"
________________________________
8pm tonight:
MIND MAP:
My dream as of right now:
I would wake up early and make my bed, placing colourful throw pillows on the top. Breakfast is eggs, toast, yogurt and fruit in the bright kitchen with big windows. Well balanced photographs line the walls. Once finished, I would head out side to the ocean. After writing while sitting on some big rocks overlooking the water, would tie up my hikers and climb around the rocky shoreline, pausing to watch the biggest waves crash onto the rock. I'd embrace the urge to worship God into the wind and write out heart prayers in the sand. Then I'd hit the waves for an hour of rigorous paddling in hopes of catching a good wave or two to surf.
Halfway through the day, I take some time to pull the ladder out and spend the rest of the morning painting the exterior of my house, while listening to my playlist of songs that perfectly described my life at one point.
I would ride the bus into town and spend some time browsing the used book store and pick up some flowers for a friend. I'd grab a good cup of coffee and walk around the village, observing old houses and architecture. I'd smile every time I'd see an old couple, obviously still in love with each other or families interacting with each other.
Dinner would be with my love, Andrew (who although wasn't in the mind map, is an assumed appreciation and inspiration in my life). We'd be dressed up and eat dinner outside on a blanket, with candles and piano music playing in the background! I'd have tried a new recipe and we'd have an honest conversation about hearts, life, hockey, Costa Rica, dreams, risks, food, love, our days, travel and adventures.
There would be no city lights, and the stars would be extra vibrant.
I need to start writing more.
And I need to embrace my introverted self instead of forcing "Social Sarah" all the time!
That is it.
:)
Happy people below.
Happy people below.
