The Perfect Lie: True Beauty in Our Culture

On Friday evening, I went to my parents' church to hear a guest speaker named Alicia Smith. Alicia is a Christian and a model. She models out of Toronto and uses her modeling as a platform to speak about true beauty to women and teen girls. Her talk was entitled "The Perfect Lie". To be honest, I went in a little skeptical, unsure if this was going to be cheesy or not.
It wasn't. 
So here I am, re-digesting via writing, about some of the things I heard on Friday.

To be signed as a model, one must be between 5'9" and 6'0 and weigh less than 120lbs. Her bust must be less than 37", her waist 24", her hips 30-something. Alicia's 6 year old daughter's waist currently measures 23".

There is not one single photo released anymore that hasn't had extensive photoshopping done (except for tabloids perhaps). I thought, "Yeah, yeah, I know this. Airbrushing, removing blemishes, of course that's done."

Madonna is 54 years old. Definitely middle aged. The photo on the left is her normal self. The photo on the right is after photoshop:

Scarlett Johannson is known for being a more curvy, realistically sized actress. These two photos were taken within the same month - the first by random paparazzi, the second well photoshopped for the cover of Cosmopolitan:

Cleavage. WAIST! Tummy. Hips.
They literally changed her body.

Flippa Hamilton has been Ralph Lauren's "cover girl" for years. She has recently been "let go" because she is getting too fat and too old (she's 26). This photo was released in Japan in 2009:

There was such a scandal that we never saw it in North America.
Her waist is smaller than her head.
She has a femur of a Barbie.
Her arms couldn't hold a grocery bag.

Check out this video that Dove came out with a few years back to show what is done from the moment the model walks into the studio to the final billboard.

It shocked me to see what is done to the photos that we see on billboards, magazines, etc.
An average woman's thighs should never look like the sticks that we see in photos.
Even with the best push up bras, breasts rarely are the rising melons that we see in photos.
Slender arms.
Perfect chin.
Small hips.
Yet this is the "definition" of beauty that little girls learn once they pick up a Barbie, and us women compare ourselves to in the grocery check out.
These people that we see in print simply do not exist. They are fabricated.

Every decade, our culture's definition of beauty changes drastically. Every culture's definition of beauty varies: tall, short, round, long, tight, loose... lip discs, elongated necks, Chinese foot binding...
What validates our worth as beautiful women?

Alicia told a story about a time she had to go to New York City to find some designer clothes to update her portfolio. She ended up at a high end shop of clothing that had been runway modeled and was now up for sale. She complained about how all the clothes, were in fact, not attractive, odd and weird looking. She eventually found shorts and a tank top, designed by Marc Jacobs. Finally deciding that she could wear them, she looked at the tank top's price tag: $1500. For a shirt that could have been from Wal-Mart, she said!
$1500 for a shirt that is "worth" as much as a used car; worth more than many people's entire wardrobe.

Who determines the worth of something?
The designer. 

God created us.
God can only create masterpieces.
He cannot make mistakes.
Human beings are his greatest masterpieces.
God says, "You are my best design. You are beautiful."

For you created my inmost being;
    you knit me together in my mother’s womb.
¹⁴ I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
    your works are wonderful,
    I know that full well.
¹⁵ My frame was not hidden from you
    when I was made in the secret place,
    when I was woven together in the depths of the earth.
¹⁶ Your eyes saw my unformed body;
    all the days ordained for me were written in your book
    before one of them came to be.
¹⁷ How precious to me are your thoughts, God!
    How vast is the sum of them!
¹⁸ Were I to count them,
    they would outnumber the grains of sand.
                         - Psalm 139:13-18

Beauty cannot be defined by this world. It can ONLY be defined by the designer. And if we don't intentionally choose to put our worth, our identity of beautiful in God, we will default to putting our worth and identity in what the world says is beautiful, which is, in essence, a lie, and completely unattainable. And it will destroy our hearts as we'll never be good enough.

Beauty cannot be defined on what men/boys think. It cannot be defined by how many friends tell you your Facebook photo is pretty. Or that your girlfriends love your outfit. We cannot be looking to these things to validate our worth. Our worth MUST come from our designer.

Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as elaborate hairstyles and the wearing of gold jewelry or fine clothes. Rather, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight.
- 1 Peter 3:3-4

One can take care of the exterior of their house. But it's what happens inside the house that attracts people to come inside. The inside of a home is where the life is. Where the love, the acceptance is.
In the same way, we need to take care of our bodies. But our hearts are where core beauty and life flows from. Alicia said it perfectly, "God desires our beauty, and if we give him our hearts, he will make us truly beautiful."

So, we need to recognize the lies of beauty that we are constantly bombarded with.
We need to recognize the lies that we have hidden in our hearts.
We need to replace those lies with truths.

And we need to talk to and teach women and girls around us about this "Perfect Lie" and God's Truth of our worth.

Facing resistance?

This quote continues to offer affirmation and perspective to the time in my life where resistance was all I could feel. It reminds me of the passion that comes first... and gives me hope for a new, re-ignited passion and purpose.

"Resistance is the shadow cast by the innovated self's sun. Before the dragon of resistance reared it's ugly head and breathed fire into our faces, there existed within us a force so potent and life affirming that it summoned this beast into being, perversely, to combat it.
But the urge to climb came first. That urge is love. Love for the material, love for the work, love for the brothers and sisters to who we will offer our work as a gift."
-Steve Pressfield

Six years.

Hey girl.

I sat down tonight to write you a little note, and am realizing something for the first time. In the months after your death, the notes and letters I wrote to you were simply a continuation of our friendship and conversation. Life was then still a continuation of you.

Now I am pouring over photos, letters, my scrapbook of you and the memory book Michelle put together for your family on your 20th birthday. Eyes wet; I miss you.

Six years have past.
Things has changed now. Writing to you is no longer a continuation of our conversations. Here I am, 25, married, and I feel like the life that I've lived since your death has been as long as my whole life up until your accident. And so now when I sit down to write you a note, I am writing to 19 year old Katharine, but I am 6 years older. And there is no way to create your future or imagine who you would be today. It's really bizarre.

I love looking back on who you were and the impact you had on so many people. How blessed we were to have a friend like you who was so sincere, kind, fun, bold and hilarious. Our memories were so sweet and innocent. And raw, as we wrestled to understand this life. Saying goodbye to you was absolutely the most difficult thing I have had to do to this point, and somehow it has spurred on the most significant growth, gut-wrenching, painful, life giving growth.

Somehow you have shifted and become a memory - instead of a reality, a tangible part of life, you are a cherished, wonderful memory, always in my heart.
Thank you for your friendship,
for being YOU, always true,
for our crazy, fun, teenage memories,
for being a faithful friend,
for sharing what we knew about life at that point,
for challenging, teaching
for loving me and accepting me as I was.
You are a treasure.

You have changed my life more than you could imagine Katharine, and I rejoice when I think about how you are relishing in God's presence right now - I eagerly await the day that our souls are reunited. What a beautiful embrace that will be!
Love you long time,
Sarah

PS. Just so you know, I wore waterproof mascara on my wedding day in honour of your wisdom and I still pull out those incredible fluorescent 80s leggings from time to time. I remember you every time I eat veggie chips and my cheekbones jump when I wear bronzer. Your Momma made our wedding cake and it was beautiful. I carried you with me all day. xoxo